During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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