I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had sex on a roof
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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