apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't turn off my feet"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
