He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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