have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
