She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
