He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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