the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
