cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
