i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
