that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
