Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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