i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
