well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
