sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
