Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
