i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
