The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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