I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
