Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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