I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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