So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
