i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
