Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
