you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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