Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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