I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
