Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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