I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
