Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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