When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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