You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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