Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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