I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
