I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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