nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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