Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
