Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
