Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
