Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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