OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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