Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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