I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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