My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
