Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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