You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
