just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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