Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
