I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
