Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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