I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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