I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
