Welp...herpes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
