The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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