Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
