im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
