Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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