U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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