I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
