He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
