butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
