Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
