I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
