i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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