i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
