the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
