standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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