So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
