seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
