I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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