Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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