Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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