I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
