don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
