i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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