Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
