He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
