So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
