whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
