you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
