I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
