I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
