Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
