just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
