My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Text me some of your sweat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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