we have officially mastered the walk of shame
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
