hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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