my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
