soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
