We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
