it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
