Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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