You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
