remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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