OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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