I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
