Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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