Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
