i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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