I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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