just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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